Change is really hard...it's no wonder so many people avoid it so much.
You have to be able to see yourself doing things that make you uncomfortable, and take note. You have to be really self-aware.
It really sucks to look back and think, "i can't believe I said/did/thought that." But the very fact that you recognize it now means you have changed since that moment, enough to recognize you shouldn't have made the choice you did at that time.
Change is a good thing most of the time. It means you're growing and developing and evolving...but it isn't easy. Sitting with feelings of disappointment and embarrassment is really hard.
Do you remember what it felt like in high school to sit by yourself? To not have anyone to sit with? To be in a room filled with people your age and know you don't "fit in" with any of them?
Your feelings (all of them) are a part of you. When you ignore any of them, they are wounded somehow. If you dont sit with your sadness and get to know it and keep it company, there is a part of you that is hurt and lonely and suffering in silence.
You ARE your sadness, your sadness IS you. Not all of you, not the whole you. But you can't just cut off any part and expect everything else to go on functioning perfectly.
It's totally okay to not have anyone to sit with, and to feel sad about that. And then to choose to sit with someone else who looks like they could be feeling sad, too. And to feel better after.
This is how change happens. You recognize the part of you that is needing comfort and support, and you comfort and support yourself from all of the parts of you that aren't hurting. You are your own ecosystem filled with resources to be able to keep yourself running. We were made to do this.
We live in a world now where we are lucky enough to have external resources for almost any type of crisis our little ecosystems can come up with. And it is absolutely okay/healthy/good to use those resources available to help yourself.
Just make sure you give yourself a fair shot, though. Make sure you're really aware of all the options and ideas your body is trying to make you aware of. And dont stop putting your energy into your healing after you get outside help, too.
It's a great time to be alive, but it's also a confusing time. Our intuition/inner voice is an essential tool to figuring out what is best for each of us personally, individually, in a sea full of seemingly endless possibilities.
One thing I've learned undeniably so far in life is that only you can truly know what is best for you, and we should all learn to trust ourselves a little bit more.
Dont give up when you want to see a change in yourself but you don't see it right away. Another thing my life has taught me: change is a gradual process and time really is essential to understanding. With time, we learn, as long as we're not constantly ignoring ourselves.
Don't ignore yourself. You've got way too much potential for that! And im proud of you for making it this far in life, and for all the things you've accomplished (no matter how "big" or "small"). You can do the thing.👍❤
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